Sympathy Messages – Why are they so difficult to write?
Putting pen to paper to express feelings is not an easy task for most people. That’s why the greeting card industry exists, and why retail stores offer row after row of greeting cards for every occasion, including sympathy.
But even when carefully selecting sympathy messages in a store-bought card, most of us acknowledge that it is a thoughtful gesture to add a short personal note. Why is this so hard to do? And what can we do to make the task easier?
1. Writing sympathy messages – or personal notes in general - is a learnable skill that most people never learned.
Writing effective personal sympathy notes, just like hitting a triple in baseball, comes with practice. First, let yourself relax. Think of the person you are writing to instead of thinking how hard writing is. Let your mind paint a picture of who this person is.
Focus on comforting your family member or friend, and the things you might say to them in person – to show that you care. Then begin writing. Don’t worry about grammar or spelling. Just get the words down on a practice sheet of paper. Then, go back and create your final message.
2. Sympathy messages and the topic of death are hard to talk about
Though death is not a pleasant topic, in recent years we are beginning to accept it for what it is – the natural ending of life. The landmark book On Death and Dying paved the way in our culture to being more open about the topic. Today, end-of-life care or hospice, and the popularity of TV shows like Six Feet Under show we are making progress.
When writing sympathy messages, acknowledge the sadness, loss and the emotional pain that death often brings to the survivors. Don’t allow yourself to fear not “saying the right thing.” If you write from your heart, you can’t go wrong.
3. The art of note writing is not highly practiced in today’s Internet world
The written word will never go out of style. In fact, when you communicate to a loved one with caring sympathy messages, your note will really make an impact. Your friend or loved one needs to hear from you now more than ever before. Just put yourself in their shoes and write the words you would like to hear at a time of loss. Or if you can’t find the “right words” by yourself, perhaps you can find suitable sympathy messages written by professionals such as in the book Words to the Rescue.
People often use the excuse that they didn’t send a card because they didn’t know what to write on it. Don’t let that happen to you. Sit down, focus on the other person, relax, and let words bubble up from your own true feelings. If you do these things, your sympathy messages will be warm, touching and supportive.
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