Your Support is Important

When a friend loses a close loved one, it often feels to us that there is nothing that we can do or say that would be of any help to our friend. While it’s true that anything we do or say will not make the grief go away, a short note or card with well thought out words of condolence can go a long way toward taking the edge off of the traumatic situation. We should not underestimate the value of our friendship during grievous times such as these. Any form of support from us will go a long way toward helping our grieving friend through their personal crisis.

Create Words of Condolence with the Heart but Write Them with the Hand

Although we are living in the computer age, and many – if not most – of our correspondences are typed or printed, this type of document is completely unacceptable for words of condolence. Words of condolence should be created with the heart and written with the hand. To offer maximum sympathy and support our sympathy messages need to be personalized. These words not only need to come from us – they need to be a part of us. Computer-generated documents simply do not convey this concept. Get out your favorite pen when writing words of condolence and save your ink jet for business documents.

Why Do We Write Words of Condolence?

When composing words of condolence, getting started can be the hardest part. To get past this initial hurdle, simply remember what the goals of your sympathy messages. Remember you are writing for two reasons: 1) to express how you feel and 2) to offer your support.

Expressing How You Feel

These will be the most difficult words of all to write. While we certainly know how we feel, it is very hard to express these feeling in words. At times like this, the English language feels woefully inadequate. Everything we write seems too shallow or inadequate. That’s okay. Simply write from the heart. Write as you would speak. Resist the urge to use flowery, overly complex language when composing words of condolence. It almost never sounds genuine. Keep it simple and do your best to express what you are feeling. Let me say that again: keep it simple and do your best.

Make Sure Your Words of Condolence Offer Your Support

Showing your support has nothing to do with what you do or what you say. It is simply the act of being there for that person – being present. And to offer support, your words only have to reflect that fact. I will be in touch later this week. Or, I will call before I stop by next week to see you. Or maybe, Feel free to call me any time of day or night if you need to talk.

If You Need Help Writing Words of Condolence

You may still have difficulty when it comes time to actually sit down and pen your words of condolence. If so, there is no shame in getting help. There are online resources that can help. In addition, there are also written resources that can help you find the appropriate words. One of my favorite written resources is called Words to the Rescue. It’s a book of more than 1000 phrases that can be used to write sentiments on birthday cards, anniversary cards, sympathy messages, florist cards – even emails.

I don’t like to take the words directly from the book (although you can). I like to send more personalized messages so I tend to customize the phrases before using them so that they are more suitable for the situation at hand.